<table cellpadding=30 cellspacing=0 border=0 background="http://www.squelched.com/bubble.gif" height=149 width=780> <tr> <td valign=middle> <font face="verdana,arial,helvetica" style="letter-spacing:-3px;font-size:28pt" color="#99CCFF"><b><i>THE HEURISTIC SQUELCH IS FOR SALE</i></b></font> <div style="position: relative; top: -29px; left: 10px; z-index: 1"><font face="verdana,arial,helvetica" color="#FFFFFF" style="letter-spacing:2px;color:#666666;font-size:18pt;">THE HEURISTIC SQUELCH IS FOR SALE</font></div> </td> </tr> </table>

Put Some Damn Clothes On!

Put Some Damn Clothes On!
(Just in case you don't have any, we'll help you out with our fine selection of tees, sweatshirts, and unmentionables.)

Posters!

Posters!
Is your dorm room full of Dogs and Van Gogh posters? So is everyone else's. Blow some minds with these Squelch classics.

Get Your Slant On!

Get Your Slant On!
How does the Squelch write all those jokes? I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with beer.

Junk You Don't Need!

Junk You Don't Need!
Seriously though, you need this stuff. You need it like I need drugs.

Hats!

Hats!
People will say "hats off!" to these fine items! Then you can punch them in the face for saying something so achingly retarded.

The Printed Word!

The Printed Word!
Hey, can you read? Well, then this section is for you. There, I've done it. I've alienated 90% of our readership.


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